The Power of Believing in Your Spouse: Building Trust, Cultivating Positivity, and Strengthening Your Relationship

Believing the Best about Your Spouse

We over-react due to Faulty Beliefs or lies that we believe about money

Our thoughts of How Money Should be handled in our marriage are Often not pleasing to God!  Most of us feel so strongly about our opinion that we cannot see the Truth. Sometimes our opinion is correct, but then we dishonor our spouse in the way we treat them. We refuse to listen to their ideas or we get pushy and mean.

It is natural to get stubborn about what you think; and we want our spouse to conform to our way of thinking. Our fleshly nature rises up, wanting our own way, whether we are right or whether we are wrong. We still want our own way. You can see why this creates such marital problems, because both spouses feel they are right in the way they want things done.

Let’s remember our verse to consider when thinking about our financial opinions that we are SO SURE are correct, so our spouse must be wrong, and so we get impatient, self-centered, and unkind, or we get sneaky and we may even tell lies! These are all fleshly responses that hurt our marriage and grieve God.

In Proverbs 24:12 in TPT it says, “God, Who knows you completely and judges your every motive is also the keeper of souls – and not just yours!  God sees through your excuses & holds you responsible for failing to help those whose lives are threatened.”

Remember that God holds each of us responsible for how we treat those around us – and that especially means your spouse & children!  The example we are setting before our children is so very important. They are watching and listening to you and learning how to treat their spouse when they grow up & get married, and they are learning how to handle financial issues. This financial issue in your home is not just about you! Future generations are at stake!

One of the Faulty Assumption that we may be believing about finances in our marriage. is about:   Motivations. The Faulty assumption is “My spouse doesn’t care.”

we also look at one of the secrets of a happy marriage, and this is to believe that your spouse has the best intentions towards you, even when you feel hurt by them. They really do care about you! They chose to marry you!

It is human nature to believe the worst & assume the worst. We tend to judge their motives and decide things like, “I think they did that on purpose. My spouse wanted to hurt me.  They just don’t care.”

It is like a subconscious judgement we make and choose to believe as though it was fact; it is deciding we know what their heart intent is, and no one knows someone’s heart except that person and God.

1 Samuel 16:7b (CEB) says, “God doesn’t look at things like humans do.  Humans see only what is visible to the eyes, but the Lord sees into the heart.”  Because we are judging our spouse with our own ideas, we say things like:
“He just wants to control me.”
“She doesn’t really love me.”
“He tells me nothing is going on, but I’m sure something is.”
“She’s getting upset. Here we go again with the drama designed to make me give in & do things her way.”
Or “He doesn’t really care what I think!”
These types of thoughts or statements prove that we are choosing to believe the worst, the negative, about our spouse.

But those negative beliefs are almost always NOT true; they are lies. When we accuse our spouse, whether out loud with words, or just in our critical thoughts, we are still coming into agreement with satan, who is the accuser.

It tells us this in Revelation 12:10; In verse 4, it names the devil as the ”one who deceives the whole earth.”, then verse 10 tells us he is the accuser; “For the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who relentlessly accuses them day & night before our God…”

The Bibles say the devil is shrewd and subtle.  1 Peter 5:8 says he is our adversary. “Be sober, be vigilant, because your adversary, the devil, as roaring lion, walks about seeking whom he may devour.”

So, we know that satan, or the devil, whichever name you want to call him, is a deceiver and a tempter, because he deceived & tempted Eve and he tempted our Lord Jesus Christ in the wilderness three different times in a major way.

And Jesus answered each of satan’s lies, these temptations, with Words from God is the Scripture.The devil is the tempter, the adversary, the deceiver, and the accuser of our spouse, day and night.
Satan does and says everything he can to try to destroy your life and your spouse’s life with those accusing lies that you come into agreement with inside your thoughts.
Satan’s real goal is to destroy your marriage, so he can destroy both of you and your children, too.

The Abundant Life that Jesus died to give us – satan tries to do everything he can to destroy. Satan wants every one of us to be miserable & to fail in our marriage; he wants us to be alone and to struggle just to survive.

Again, we declare God’s Truth that Jesus said in John 10:10b, “I came that you may have life, and may have it more abundantly!” Part of that abundant life is to have a Godly, happy marriage!

Most people DO deeply care about their spouse.  And our spouses truly care about us.

The most dangerous time to believe these lies whispered in our minds by the accuser that your spouse does not really care is when you feel upset or hurt. When your spouse does not keep their word or “perform” in some area that you expected when you said, “I Do!”.

When you are feeling unhappy with your spouse, this is the time to be INTENTIONAL in your marriage.  INTENTIONALLY choose to believe that your spouse cares about you. And choosing to do as this verse commands us will surely help you with this. Just as Jesus had to answer the accuser with Scripture, so do you & I! Here’s a good directive Scripture to help you begin to know how to think when you are very upset with your spouse.

Philippians 4:8 tells us how to think: “Finally, brothers (& sisters), whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

In Proverbs 4:23 (TPT) it says, “So above all, guard the affections of your heart, for they affect all that you are.  Pay attention to the welfare of your innermost being, for from there flows the wellspring of life.”

Let’s review what we are talking about: It is the Faulty Assumption or Lie that says, “My spouse doesn’t care.” When that lie hits your mind, instead of repeating it and grumbling about or to your spouse, let’s do what Jesus did.  INTENTIONALLY choose to begin listing all the things you like about your spouse. And list the things they have done right. Begin thanking God for them and for the gift they are to you. Take your negative thoughts captive, deny them, and then choose to say the opposite instead. Focus on what you love about your spouse, and then say it! They need to hear what you like about them. This is extending grace and mercy to them, just like Jesus does to us.

What do we do about our areas of over-reacting & faulty assumptions?

Step 1: List what applies to you/your spouse.  Pay attention to things either of you feels very strongly about or where you believe very differently.   These are the areas where you are going to need to be aware and put a guard on your lips and INTENTIONALLY choose to take your thoughts captive. Apply James 1:19 to these areas. It says, “..Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”

Step 2: The next time you feel upset, anxious, or have a strong opinion that wants to run over your spouse, stop & ask yourself why. Ask yourself some probing questions:

Is this really the last chance to buy this or do this?

Have I judged my spouse? If so, have I repented to God for my judgment?

Am I believing the best about my Honey?

Will this issue really matter this much in the long-term?

Have I asked the Lord about this issue that is bothering me?

Step 3: Ask yourself:

Even if your beliefs seem extremely reasonable, does that mean your spouse’s way is wrong?

Is this a matter of right and wrong, or is this just a difference of opinion?  It matters.

Step 4: Honor your spouse’s feelings. Our goal in all of this is to help each of us see where we have some faulty assumptions that ultimately bring dishonor to our spouse & dissension in our marriage. Choose to believe the best about your spouse.

Step 5: Let’s practice praying about this: “Lord, would You show me Your Truth about my own opinions that I push on my spouse which does not show them honor?  When I begin to feel annoyed or stressed by what is happening between us, help me to catch what is happening, and stop it before it becomes a huge problem. I humble myself before You, God. I need Your help to be able to honor my honey when these things come up.  Help me to back off as I submit my heart and opinions to You for direction & correction. I give You control, God. And Lord, help me to believe the best about my Honey. Give me Your love for him/her. Help me to be patient, kind, and full of Your Agape Love in the way that I think about and treat my spouse.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

STEP 6: Believe the best, let God handle the rest! – We just prayed about this one.  It takes an INTENTIONAL choice to believe that your spouse intends the best. Show them unconditional love, even when they disagree with you! Just like God shows each of us unconditional love. When we mess up, when we sin, He is always still loving us, calling our hearts back to reconcile with Him, offering forgiveness when we humble ourselves before Him. God NEVER gives up on us! He is full of mercy and grace, even though we blow it over and over. His Love covers us! Let’s cover our spouse’s mess-ups with our love.