Faulty Assumptions in Marriage About Finances

Principles about struggles over
finances in marriage

It is that in our marriage, we over-react due to
Faulty Beliefs or lies that we believe about money.

Our Perception of How Money Should Work is Often Way Off- Base! And we feel so strongly about our opinion that we cannot see the
Truth.

1. It is difficult to listen and consider our spouse’s opinion when we are “stuck” in our own mindset. It is like we have “blinders” on our ears and hearts.
2. Let’s remember our verse to consider when thinking about our financial opinions that we are SO SURE are correct, so our spouse must be wrong, and so we get impatient, self- centered, and unkind, or sneaky and we may even tell lies!
3. In Proverbs 24:12 in TPT it says, “God, Who knows you completely and judges your every motive is also the keeper of souls – and not just yours! God sees through your excuses & holds you responsible for failing to help those whose lives are threatened.”erse to consider when thinking about our financial opinions that we are SO SURE are correct, so our spouse must be wrong, and so we get impatient, self centered, and unkind, or sneaky and we may even tell lies!
4. In Proverbs 24:12 in TPT it says, “God, Who knows you completely and judges your every motive is also the keeper of souls – and not just yours! God sees through your excuses & holds you responsible for failing to help those whose lives are threatened.”

You see, God holds us responsible for how we treat those around us – and that especially means your spouse & children! God holds us responsible for the example we are setting before our children. They are watching and listening to you and learning how to treat their spouse when they grow up & get married, and how to handle financial issues. This financial issue in your home is not just about you! Future generations are at stake!

Faulty Assumptions or lies that we may be believing about finances in our marriage.

The Faulty assumption #1

Faulty assumption #1 is about: Fairness. The Faulty assumption is “Money allocation should be fair.”

A. The 1st faulty assumption about everything being fair is: “If you get this, I get that.” If one spouse goes and buys something for themselves, you might think, “It’s only fair that I can go spend that much money on myself, too.” That kind of thinking is self-centered and based in jealousy. In the Love chapter of the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13, we learned that “Love is not jealous!”
B. The 2nd faulty assumption about everything being fair is: “I want it to be fair for you.” Sometimes you will get something for yourself &, because you really do care about your spouse, you will spend money on getting them something to “make it fair”.
C. The 3rd faulty assumption about everything being fair is: Retaliatory spending. Sometimes we get upset at our spouse for “over- spending” or spending unnecessarily, in our opinion, so we will decide to go over-spend, also, with the thought, “If they can spend like that, then so can I!”

1. It is acting out of anger or extreme frustration. Basically, you are paying them back or punishing them for “being bad” – spending money where you did not come into an agreement.
2. God’s way is usually opposite our way, so the Bible has much to say about retaliation that contradicts everything that we justify to be right for us. God instructs us not to retaliate.
3. Isaiah 55:9 says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
4. Romans 12:17 says, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil…”

D. The 4th faulty assumption about everything being fair is: Resentment – And sometimes your spouse will spend foolishly or in a way we don’t approve – and resentment may just set in. This is really
unforgiveness that can fester into bitterness.

1. We need to be reminded of Ephesians 4:26 “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” IT is extremely important to deal with your resentment in a Godly way, not with anger or giving them the silent treatment.
2. Forgive your spouse for their foolish spending. You both bear the consequences of your spouse’s foolish spending.
3. But sometimes one of us in the marriage make mistakes or spend foolishly, and we have to give our spouse grace and extend forgiveness.
4. Just like Jesus extends forgiveness to each of us when we make foolish or rebellious decisions that often are life-changing for us, Jesus commands us to forgive those who sin against us. Jesus still forgives
   us when we confess it as sin & repent.
5. 1 John 1:9 (NIV) tells us about Jesus’ forgiveness: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and to purify us from all unrighteousness.”

E. Faulty assumptions #5 is about: FOMO-Fear of Missing Out. This Faulty assumption is “If we don’t do it now, we’ll miss out.”

1. We see or hear of an opportunity that we just CANNOT miss out – and without counting all the costs or consequences – we’ll jump on it. We make an impulsive decision, without praying about it first, and often do things that are not wise. Then we regret it later.
2. We may spend a bunch of money on a special occasion that you really do not have to spend & it is not in the budget. For instance, spending money on the celebration of your child’s special birthday or your friend’s wedding, and then you do not have enough to pay your rent or buy food for the family – this is just not wise to do even though you are afraid of missing out on this great occasion. We feel pressed by our culture that we HAVE TO spend a bunch of money, but we really do not have to.
3. Or: What about wanting to have that nice house we have been dreaming of having. We decide to buy the piece of land and build the house. We do not check the budget or stop to pray, asking if this is God’s will and is this God’s timing? Is this wise, to just buy the land and hope it works out? Have we really planned it out to see the total cost of building the house and latrine? Can we provide our family’s needs and still afford to build a house at the same time? Or do we let ourselves be motivated by the thought of missing out – this is our only chance?
4. These might be great opportunities, but jumping on them without some discussion, taking time to count the cost, praying together about it to see if it is what God wants us to do – and realize that many of the opportunities will come around again; this can put great strain on your finances and on your marriage relationship.
5. Some thoughts to be careful of are:
   “This is a chance to get what we want, no matter what!” or “I can’t afford NOT to do this!”

F. It is good to be flexible, but to also use wisdom. In James 1:5 (NIV) it says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, Who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”

1.  Don’t let internal or external pressures, cultural expectations, or extended family expectations push you to spend money you don’t really have or to spend it in a way that does not fit into your financial budget or plans. Please, do not spend money to please or impress people around you. Do what is right and wise for your family and for you marriage. Do what God shows you is wise.
2. John 10:10 tells us that “The thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy…”. The devil is the thief, and he can put ideas in front of you to try to steal your money, to steal your peace, and to steal your marriage relationship. The “opportunity” before you that you just “can’t miss out on” might be a good thing, but not good for you or maybe not good at this time. God has a plan for us and that includes His timing.
3. Jeremiah 29:11-14a (NIV) are verses that I love – to know that we won’t miss out as we talk with the Lord and seek His plans for us & our finances: “’For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for prosperity and not of disaster, to give you a future & a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and come & pray to Me, & I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you’ declares the Lord…”
4. We need to always remember this Scripture when we are sure that our opinion is right. Proverbs 21:2 (NIV) says, “A person may think their own ways are right, but the Lord weighs the heart.”
5. If you are afraid of missing out on something (FOMO), then your decision will likely be based in fear, and that fear can lead you to all kinds of wrong and damaging actions. 2 Timothy 1:7 (ESV) says, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” If you are afraid of offending someone or of not doing what is expected of you, can you see that this decision is not based on God’s wisdom, but is driven by expectation and fear? We encourage you to break free of living and making decisions based on what your culture expects. It is time to learn God’s ways, which do not always agree with culture. Don’t be afraid to stand up and do what is right. God will bless you!
6. For you will not be alone, when you decide to follow God in your financial decisions and every kind of decisions. Isaiah 41:13 (ESV) says, “For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I Who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one Who helps you.”

G. Faulty assumptions #6 is about: Projecting. Faulty assumption is “If you’re doing this whatever __ now, it means you’ll do it next time, too.”

1. This is assuming the worst about your spouse. It is drawing a conclusion that because they did something this way, they always will and that it will probably get worse. It is expecting the worst from your spouse and actually judging them. And these thoughts of expecting your spouse to do wrong again can lead you to worry about something happening that may never happen.
2. Something thinking like this: “Since he wouldn’t let me buy a new dress
   today, I’m afraid he will NEVER let me buy a new dress.” The enemy can whisper in your ear; “You should never have married him; see, he’s so stingy!” And this is probably a false assumption that leads you to be dissatisfied with your spouse and believe lies that swirl around in your head. It is dangerous! The devil loves to feed you judgments and fear in your self-talk. You have to reject those lies.
3. Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) tells us; “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
4. And then in 2 Corinthians 10:5b (ESV) it tells us to “take every thought captive to obey Christ.”

The foundation verse for keeping our thoughts right before God which helps us believe the truth about finances: Matthew 6:33 (ESV), “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and ALL these things will be added to you.”